Monday, August 18, 2014

An Exasperated Mom

Day 1, week 2 of another school year...
Breakfast*say goodbye to daddy*I start reading History to the older 5*lil'6 says, "Mommy, Ligon is pottying on the floor!"*Stop History*Clean up pee*start History*lil 5 says, "Mommy, Ligon is making a mess!"*stop history*check on Ligon who has chocolate on his hands and face and wonder where he got it, and what surfaces he managed to make messy*clean Ligon*find opened Ovaltine*hear arguing in the kitchen*go find out what is going on and get things back on track*start history...again*continue to bring attention of 3 & 4 back to History instead of la-la land*assign short writing assignment*go start laundry*Ligon, in a hurry, and walking funny, says, "Mommy, I need to go potty!*found lump of poo in underwear*accidentally dumped poo on floor*Ligon steps in poo*begin cleaning poo while Lig finishes on the toilet*clean up Lig*go settle another argument*answer a bazillion questions because no one seems to remember anything they have been taught since beginning school however many years ago, and have no confidence in doing anything independently*settle another argument*do more laundry*answer more questions*work on kindergarten with lil5*clean up more potty*I still hate potty training*work on Phonics and Science with 3 & 4*answer more questions*do more laundry*settle another argument*clean up more potty*eat Swedish Fish*and it is finally time for lunch.

What?!  The day is only half over?!  I'm done!  I need a personal holiday!  I need a shower!  I need more coffee!

 I need...grace...and patience...and wisdom...and discernment...and a loving heart...and forgiveness.  

The constant interruptions, and fighting, and complaining, and messes, and questions have caused me to feel utterly, and completely overwhelmed, stretched beyond my limit, and exasperated!  My responses and feelings are what get me in trouble.  Am I filled with patience and grace with my children?  My answer is a resounding, "NO!!!"  I have been impatient and frustrated.  Yes, there are issues in my children's hearts, but I have been no shining example to them today.  It's another day of grace-filled, difficult lessons in this mommy's heart.

So, why would I write about the yuck in my life?  I want to document this day for further use!  Someday, my children will be grown up, and will no longer live in my home.  Someday, my children will graduate from high school, and I will have a tremendous sense of victory that I was their teacher for all these years.  I want to remember that not all days were easy and fun, and that there were moments of total desperation.  I want other moms to know that they are not alone.  There are some really tough days.  

I have moments when I think...Could I put them in school?  Why am I trying to do all of this?  This is too much for one, cleaning, tons of laundry, teaching...never a break...not even while taking a shower!  Life would be so much easier if they were in school.  Those are just moments.  The fact is I love having my children home with me.  I wouldn't have a million questions to answer throughout the day, or arguments to break up, but I also wouldn't have the sweet moments either.  It would make me sad not to see them all day, and then make them do homework when they get home, and miss out on time with them.  And that's just the beginning!  There are so many teachable moments throughout the day that I would not get to have anymore.

If you're like me, and experiencing a very bad, no good, frustrating, exasperating kind of day...reevaluate your schedule, determine whose hearts are at fault...yours or your childrens, or both...think about why you are doing this, pray, and exude grace.  Tomorrow is a new day!

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