Prepping for another year of school 2014-2015

The Summer has flown by, curriculum has been ordered, new markers, pencils, and glue have been purchased and it is time to plan and get organized!

I have been asked several times about our schedule, which worked really well for us last year, so I did a little bit of tweaking for the upcoming year, and I'm ready to share.  This is what our days will look like...in a flexible kind of way:

Notice it is in dry erase marker, so it can easily be erased and re-tweaked!  As for the highlighted areas, here is an explanation:
Mastery:  I don't want my children to just finish their work.  I want them to "get it."  They need to learn the information, and it needs to be committed to understanding.  If they do not master their work, then their work will suffer in the future because they will lack knowledge/understanding.  I would rather them take more time on an assignment to make sure they completely understand what they are doing than to skim over an assignment.
Be Flexible:  This is just a family motto!  We have nine people living here, so flexibility is a MUST!  The times on this chart are not written in stone, but rather a guideline to keep us moving throughout the day.
Practice Excellence, Not Perfection:  If I were to expect perfection from my children then I would be in grave error to the well-being of my children.  What I do expect is for them to always do their best!  I continue to remind them that we "do all things for the Glory of God."  Let's face it...right now it is more about pleasing mom and dad, but the concept is being instilled in them to always do their best, and to give God the glory in all things accomplished.

You may look at this chart and wonder what ZONES might be.  This is what it looks like, and then I will explain:

ZONES are my way of keeping the house as tidy as possible throughout the day, so the mess doesn't overwhelm us when the evening comes.  Think about it...if you have a few dishes on the counter then it is easy to wash those few things by hand, or put them in the dishwasher, but if your counters are full of dishes it can be a bit overwhelming.  It's the same for our children!  If they only have a few things to pick up then it isn't so bad, but if we waited all day then there would be a lot of gnashing of teeth  whining and complaining. If we keep it fairly maintained throughout the day then it isn't so bad.

We have broken our home into ZONES, so that one child takes care of one zone.  I had found that there was a lot of conflict between children, if I sent two or more into a room to clean.  One child always felt that he was doing a majority of the work.  And, he was!  When each child was accountable for their own zone then the conflict was bypassed, and each child had to be self-motivated and disciplined to get the job done.

Expectations of ZONES:
Living room:  Pick up shoes, clothes, toys, and anything else that belongs to others and place in a box at the bottom of the stairs.  These items are to be picked up by the rightful owner by the end of the day. They are to also straighten the school table, and look under the sofas for any sippy cups, or whatever found its way under there, and place sofa pillows on the sofas.  Vacuum, as needed, but definitely before the weekend.

Play room:  Self-explanatory!  Clean up the play room!  The three littles are expected to help since they are the ones who probably made the mess.  Vacuum, as needed, but definitely before the weekend.

Bathrooms/Kitchen:  For the bathrooms they are expected to wipe down sinks, faucets, and toilets. Bathrooms get vacuumed/mopped by the weekend, and mirrors get cleaned, as needed.  Their kitchen responsibilities are vacuuming/sweeping after each meal, mopping, as needed, help clear the table, and wipe down the table after each meal.

Van:  The van could get dumpy pretty quickly, but if we stay on top of it, then it isn't too bad.  We stay home a lot, but those who have this zone need to make sure the van gets cleaned out after we go somewhere.

Trash:  This is always Ian's zone.  He is five.  He empties all of the bathroom and bedroom trash cans.  He thinks it's pretty cool to be helping!

Dishes:  Again, self-explanatory!  This has been Lauren's zone for a few years, but Franklin is moving into a rotation with Lauren next week, so they will have the job a week at a time, and will take another zone when they don't have dishes.  Lauren is excited to move into the regular zones and not have to always do the dishes.  Of course, her dad and I help her frequently because the girl needs to get outside to play in then evenings!

Kitchen helper:  This is everyone's favorite!  They get to help me cook, and serve dinner.  I love the one-one-one time I get with each of them, and enjoy teaching them to cook.

Anyone who is not my kitchen helper for the week has a Buddy.  The three littles love this because they get special time with one of the biggers.  They get to read, or play with legos, or make things with play dough, or jump on the trampoline, or whatever fun activity they can come up with.  Buddytime is when I am cooking and need to make sure that little ones are not getting into mischief.  I love the relationships that are budding during this time, as well.

Here are our bookshelves that are nearly ready for school...with the exception of their new school books. There are lots of books for reading, and research, and learning!  The two older children have their own black box for their own schoolwork.  Ari, Miles, and Ian each have a white box, but may need to go up in size to a black box this year.  We'll make that decision when their new books get here.

Ian's trip to Cincinnati...Otolaryngology

Roger, Ian, and I left for Cincinnati Monday afternoon, so we could spend the night close to the hospital where we would be taking Ian the following morning.  We could have left home really early Tuesday morning, but we weren't familiar with the area and we would have had to pass through rush hour traffic somewhere between here and there.  We didn't want to miss the appointment!
We are so pleased with our new doctor.  We got there, registered, and were seen by the doctor at the exact time of our appointment!  We didn't have to sit and wait for an hour!  Amazing!  I had typed out a timeline of all of Ian's illnesses and surgeries, and the doctor was grateful.  We talked for a few minutes and then he said, "Let's go to the other room.  I'm excited to see what's going on in there!"  I love his interest in Ian's case!
He took us to another room with special equipment that would allow him to magnify things to see better, but also enabled us to see inside Ian's ear on a TV.  It was really cool!

The appointment:
Both of Ian's eardrums are retracted.  That means they are both being sucked inward.  This, typically, happens when there is fluid in the inner ear, which Ian has in both ears.  There was mild retraction in the left ear, and more severe in the right ear.  The doctor does believe Ian had a cholesteatoma, which is a growth in the inner ear that can do a lot of damage.  After looking in Ian's ear, and looking through the CT scan, he sees no evidence of a cholesteatoma at this time.  The cholesteatoma was removed when Ian got tubes in his ears 3.5 years ago.
The doctor said that Ian's ears look "pristine" when looking at the CT scan.  This is great news!  The bones are there, and they are not damaged.  He has no abnormalities in his ears.  Ian's eustachian tubes were cloudy on the CT scan, which could be the reason that he has trouble with fluid in his inner ear.  As he grows this should resolve, but it is a problem right now.  This is the reason many kids need tubes when they are young.
We did another hearing test in audiology because the doctor was concerned with the results with the tests from the February vs. March testing.  There was a big difference between the two tests.  The results from yesterday showed very similarly to the March testing, which we thought was more accurate anyway.  Ian has severe to profound hearing loss in his right ear.  With fluid in his left ear at this time, he also has minor hearing loss in his left ear.  We talked to the audiologists who talked to us about doing a hearing aid consultation.  With fluid in his ear, and severe hearing loss, including nerve damage, they were unsure if some hearing aids would be helpful because they thought the sound would be distorted and make things worse for Ian.  It is possible that a bone conduction hearing aid may be beneficial for Ian.  We may do the consultation in the future, but our doctor suggested we wait for now.

Diagnosis:
There is fluid behind both ear drums.  This does affect his hearing.  It won't matter much for his right ear since his hearing is so bad, but now he has a hearing deficit on his left side, too.  Ian may need a tube in his left ear to bring his hearing back up to normal in that ear, so he at least has good hearing in one ear.  The tube would release the fluid, his ear drum would no longer be retracted, and his hearing would be restored.

Ian has nerve damage in his right ear.  The nerve damage, alone, brings Ian's hearing down to a minor to moderate hearing loss.  The doctor thinks Ian may have been born with this damage.

Something is wrong with a bone, or bones in Ian's right ear.  The bones are not vibrating together like they should, which is creating the severe to profound hearing loss.

The doctor is confused by Ian's case.  He cannot see anything to indicate why there is severe hearing loss in his ear.  He is wondering if a small cholesteatoma is hiding in there.  We will go back in 6 months to see if anything has changed, and to see if there is still fluid in Ian's left ear.  If so, we will likely need to go back, so Ian can get a tube placed in his left ear.

Prognosis:
Placing a tube in his left ear is likely.  The right ear is not so easy.  The doctor could explore and look for a cholesteatoma, or anything else that could be causing problems.  He could also fix the bones.  Even if he fixes the bones, Ian will still have significant hearing loss because it will only bring his hearing up to the level where the nerve damage allows hearing.  Yes, it is much better than where he is now, but he could probably wear a hearing aid that would bring his hearing up to close to normal.  We're not sure that surgery is the best option.
We have some questions to go through in the next several months...
Do we get the tube in the left ear?
Do we do surgery to fix the bones in Ian's ear, and then get a hearing aid to bring his hearing all the way up to normal?  When not wearing the aid, he could still have much better hearing than he has now, but still not good hearing.
Do we forego surgery altogether, and try to find a hearing aid that works for Ian?
Can we find a hearing aid that will work for Ian, without distorting the sound?

Conclusions for now:
Do nothing.  That was the doctor's suggestion.  We love that suggestion!  We love it that we are not being pushed into surgery!  No further damage will be done, so we have time to think through everything.  We will go back every six months for a while.  At our next appointment, the doctor will look again for a cholesteatoma.  Ian will also go back to audiology for another test to make sure his hearing is the same, and to check his left ear to see if we need to get a tube.  If there is still fluid and hearing loss in his left ear then a tube is probably going to be the answer.  We need to maximize his hearing in his left ear.  The doctor believes that homeschooling is a huge benefit for Ian.  Woohoo!  Kids who go to school, and have a hearing deficit, typically experience an academic decline when they reach fourth or fifth grade.  The doctor said we probably won't experience a decline since Ian will be home.  Wonderful!

Ian is happy, and healthy, and developing very well, which is really great news!  His speech is good, and he has no learning disabilities, so we don't need to rush into anything.  We feel so good about waiting to do anything, and going back in six months.  We are really happy with our new doctor.  He is excellent!  It's good to have some answers, and peace of mind.

An Ian update...discovering hearing loss and where we go from here

Our gorgeous little Ian turned 5 last month.  I took him to the ENT on his birthday.  He got tubes placed in his ears 3 years ago, and although both had come out of the eardrums, one was still stuck in the ear canal.

In December, Ian had asked to listen to music on my Kindle.  Lauren got it set up with his favorite songs and earphones.  Our earphones were broken.  Only one side worked.  She placed them on his ears and he told her he couldn't hear it, and asked her to turn it on.  She put them back on her ears, and told him that they were working fine.  She placed them back on his ears, and he said he couldn't hear the music. She took them off again, listened, and then placed them back on his ears, but switched the working side to his left ear.  He smiled, and said, "Oh, now I can hear it!"  Lauren came straight to me and told me what had happened.

Later that evening I sat with Ian, the broken headphones, and the Kindle.  I placed the working side on his right ear and told him to tell me when he could hear the music.  I slowly turned the music up until it could go no louder...he couldn't hear it.  I placed the working headphone on his left ear and did the same.  I began turning up the music and after a few seconds he told me he could hear it.

I knew there may be some hearing loss because of ear infections before getting tubes, but had hoped that impacted wax was reducing his hearing.

After the doctor cleaned the tube and wax out of Ian's ear he looked closely at his eardrum using a special microscope.  He told me that his eardrum was retracted, and looked somewhat flat.  He recommended that we do a hearing test asap.  Thankfully, there was an opening at that moment, so we walked straight over to the audiologist.

After the hearing test we were told that Ian had "moderate to severe" hearing loss in his right ear.  We were also told that the test was "not normal," and they felt that it was "inconclusive," so they wanted him to come back in a few weeks.  They thought that maybe his age, or the fact that it was his first hearing test was affecting the results.

We took Ian back to the doctor March 5th for a second hearing test.  Roger was able to go with us this time.  The doctor was hoping to see better results (so were we!), but the results were worse.  I, specifically, asked the doctor if he was still in the "moderate to severe"range, or if it was worse, but the doctor told us it was the same.  We asked what caused the hearing loss and the doctor said, "I really have no idea.  He may have been born that way, or it may have been caused by ear infections, which caused a cholesteatoma." He then recommended that we see a specialist (all this time we though he was the specialist!) called an otolaryngologist.

I had taken Ian to his pediatrician earlier in the day for a well-visit.  I told her about the hearing test, and that we were going for another hearing test later in the day.  She said, "Yeah, didn't he have a cholesteatoma?"  I had completely forgotten about it, and didn't even know there was a name for it, but then remembered that the ENT said he had cut a growth out of Ian's ear when he put tubes in.  We thought it was really strange, and the doctor seemed to think it was large, but we were given no other information.

After our appointment I hit the internet to do some research.  What did we do without the internet?!  I began reading about Cholesteatoma's.  It didn't take, but a few minutes to realize what likely caused Ian's hearing loss.  We are grateful that it didn't do more damage.  BUT, why didn't our doctor know that it was likely to cause bone damage, and therefore, hearing loss?  Why didn't our doctor tell us that we should see a specialist to monitor his condition to make sure it didn't grow back?  As I am reading page after page, and looking at videos about this condition, I begin wondering how our doctor was able to cut this "growth" out of his ear without cutting behind his ear.  Did our ENT do further damage to his ear by cutting it out?  Why didn't our doctor suggest that Ian get his hearing tested after finding the cholesteatoma?  Why didn't he tell us that "if" Ian's bones in his ear were damaged that he may need reconstructive surgery, placing a prosthesis in his ear that could restore some of his hearing?  Did our "specialist," our ENT, know nothing about this condition, and did he make a mistake removing the cholesteatoma?

I also found in my internet searches that Ian is not only considered "severely hearing impaired" (he is totally out of the moderate category), but he is also classified at the "profound" level at one of the tested frequencies, and close to profound on another frequency.  Why did the doctor not know this?

At this point we don't know if our doctor is trying to cover his tracks, or if he is truly unknowledgeable about this condition.  If he is unknowledgeable then he never should have touched the cholesteatoma!  If he is covering for himself...he needs to be held accountable.

Our next step is to take Ian to Cincinnati Children's Hospital to their Ear and Hearing Center.  Ian got a CT scan March 10th, so we will be able to find out how much damage has been done to his ear, if the cholesteatoma has grown, and if reconstructive surgery can be done, which might restore some of his hearing.  We are hoping for a trip to Cincinnati in July for some answers.  For now, this mama is nervous, and so sad that this precious little boy is nearly deaf in one ear, and will have to go through more tests, more specialists, and possibly surgery.

I know...things could be much worse.  I have thought that so many times in the past month.  Overall, he is healthy...he is happy...he is a joy in our lives.  He can still do one of his favorite things...listen to music! Still, no mama wants her child to endure hardship and pain.

Busy, busy, busy...

We are taking the rest of the week off of school.  We haven't taken a lot of days off, so everyone is very excited to have a break, and have some fun, too!

My sweet friend, Julie, is coming over today to play with my tribe, so I can go renew my driver's license, do a little bit of shopping, and go on a date with my love.  Hopefully, I will be able to find a parking space downtown (not an easy task with a 15 passenger van!), so I can go in and see Roger's new office.  We also plan to do a little bit of shopping for our 7 little Valentine's!

The past two days have been busy.  I love organizing!  Really, I do!  I may just make it my ministry to others someday!  You pay for my flight, and I will come help you organize your house!  My little people are growing faster than I can keep up.  I thought I needed to move Miles up to his next size, but decided to keep him in 6's for now.  I knew I needed to move Ian up to 5's, so I took on the task of packing away the 4's and getting out the 5's.  It's fun, but a little difficult when I am constantly cleaning up messes made by an almost 2 year old!  Speaking of the almost 2 year old...I decided to check his shoes yesterday and figured out that he could go up a couple of sizes, so we are giving away the 5's and 6's and moving him up to 7's.  The problems is...we don't have very many 7's, so I need to find him some new shoes tonight!

So, guess what my children will be doing while I am gone this afternoon, and evening?  Decorating for my birthday!!!  This is a BIG one!  I'm turning FORTY tomorrow!  I don't feel like I'm 18 anymore, but I don't feel like I'm 40 either.  The 40's will be a very exciting time for me.  I figured out recently that 6 of my 7 children will become teenagers during my forties, and two of my children will even leave their teen years behind them.  Wow!  There is so much to look forward to in the coming years!  I can't wait to see what else God has planned for us in the next ten years?  Will we adopt?  Will we open our home to someone in need?

I'm leaving Friday evening to go to Kansas to spend some time with my family.  I am excited to spend some time with my mom, and brother, and one of my sister's.  Sadly, my other sister will not be able to make it this time.  The main reason I am going is to spend some time with my dad.  He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 5 years ago.  The past 6 months have been very difficult for him.  The disease has progressed very quickly.  I think my sister said it best when she said, "Dad no longer has Alzheimer's.  Alzheimer's has dad."

My greatest prayer for this weekend is that there will at least be one moment where my dad will know me, and can call me by name.  This is very important to me!  Would you pray for that with me?  I feel like this is my "goodbye" trip to my dad.  My next trip to Kansas will be in June, but even if my dad is still with us, we think he will lose all forms of communication by that time.

What do people see when they look at you?

In the past year I have gone from a size 12 to a 4/6.  It feels good to be healthier!  I don't walk out of the mall in tears.  Shopping is FUN!  Still, I go to the fitting room with a size 4, or 6 pants, and a small, or medium shirt and I think "there is NO way this is going to fit me!"  And then, it does!

I am happy with my smaller size.  I am happy that I am healthier, and as a result my family is healthier, too.  I am happy that I am more fit.  I am thrilled that my husband is proud of the hard work and the changes I have accomplished.

BUT...really...I don't want to be noticed.  At one time I liked being the center of attention, but that was before God became the Center of my life.  Losing weight has caused me to gather attention, which I understand, but I will be glad when everyone gets accustomed to my new size and forgets about the weight loss.  Please do not think that I don't appreciate the compliments I have received, though!  I truly do!

I have been blessed to receive some hand-me-downs, so I haven't had to shop much since losing weight.  I needed a few new sweaters and long sleeve shirts, so I went shopping last weekend.  Yes, it was fun!  I got some great deals and some cute things!  I was really excited to wear one of my new outfits to church yesterday.  I thought about it Saturday and how I would piece the outfit together, and what earrings I would wear, and how I would wear my hair, and, and, and...  It was all about ME!

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"
Matthew 6:25

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin."

Mathew 6:28

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?"
Mathew 6:31

The previously listed verses are about "worrying," but the context is there that you really don't need to think about your clothing, and if you have enough, or if it is nice enough, or what you should wear.  Go back to the beginning of Matthew 6!  You will read that God does not want us to draw attention to ourselves.  It is not about us!  It is about HIM!  The fashion industry would have us think otherwise.

As I was lying in bed last night and thinking about how misguided I was in wasting so much time deciding what I should wear, I had a revelation.  God is so good to teach us, right?  This is what He taught me last night:

"Do not draw attention to yourself through your hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, jewelry, etc!  Keep those things minimal.  Draw attention to ME through you!"

I want God to be the center of attention...not me!  Not my clothing.  Not my shoes.  Not my hair.  Not my jewelry.  It's all about God!

I don't want to take this to a legalistic realm!  I am certainly not saying that it is wrong to look nice, dress cute, enjoy shopping, and take time to put together a cute outfit.  I like looking nice, and well-put together!  It becomes a problem when our appearance takes away from the Christ who lives in us.  It also becomes a problem when we are more excited about what we wear than about worshiping the Lord who deserves the time, attention, and glory.

I take the time each Saturday evening to lay out the clothing my family will wear the following day to church.  Why do I do this?  Well, because I want my family to look nice, and because Sunday mornings are a little hectic, so I can eliminate some chaos, and tardiness!  Still, I don't want to put so much focus on the clothing of my children, or myself, that I miss the preparations of our hearts to worship.  Again, it is not about clothing...it is about HIM!

I went to sleep last night with the question, "What do people see when they look at you?"  Do they see your cute clothes?  Do they see jewelry?  Do they see your hair?

And this is what I want you to see:

A smile on my face...because no matter how difficult the circumstances are in my life at this moment, I have an unspeakable JOY that can only come from a wonderful Heavenly Father.

A love for others...may my love for others be a reflection of God's love in me.

A meek, and quiet, and gentle spirit...because it isn't necessary to always "speak your mind," and being boisterous and loud can only draw attention to you, and not the One who abides in you.

A thankful attitude...because there is nothing good in this life that I "deserve," but everything I have is a tremendous blessing from a giving God.

A forgiving heart...because I have been forgiven for so much, and cannot hold a higher standard than God.  I may feel hurt, but I have no reason to withhold forgiveness.

Kindness...may you always find me to be tender and kind.

Attentive to the needs of others...may I not be so absorbed in my own life that I cannot see the needs and hurts of those around me.

One who listens, and does not always feel the need to speak...because I don't always have to have an answer, and sometimes you just need a listening-board...and that's okay.

A prayer warrior...because calloused knees are far prettier than a calloused heart!  And, because I want to trust God in all things, and I can find no better way to do that than to be in constant prayer.  And, because I want you to know that if you ask me to pray about something...I will do it!

Oh, my Lord...let them see YOU in me...

Laugh or cry...this is "having it all together?"

What does it mean to "have it all together?"  I have had people tell me they are jealous of me because I always seem to have it all together.  I have had people tell me they feel intimidated by me because I always seem to have it all together.  I have had people tell me they just don't get how I can have so many kids and still have it all together.

I laugh.

I never, ever, ever try to make others think I have it all together.

I don't think pretending to have it all together is very Titus 2-ish.  I think it is so important to be real! Why would I try to set up this perfect expectation that tries to tell other young moms that motherhood is glamorous?  It's not!  I cleaned up puke this morning!!!  Puke is NOT glamorous!

Yes, I can see how people can look at me and think I have it all together.  When they see me out with the kids who are typically well-behaved, everyone looks nice, I don't look harried, or sleep-deprived, or dumpy, and we are often laughing, or dancing...  But, not every moment looks like that!  Come spend a day with me!

There are moments when I have to choose whether to laugh, or to cry.  So, for those of you who think I have it all together...this is what it looked like yesterday:

The kids got up and worked really hard to get their school work done, so they could spend the afternoon outside.  Yes, I have it all together.
The kids proceed to "play school" and the older two try to teach the next two grammar and math.  Yes, I have amazing kids who make me look like I have it all together. 
The kids leave a sharpie out in the playroom...one year old finds sharpie and colors on carpet and his face. Well, maybe I don't have it so much all together.
I sat down for a while because I wasn't feeling well, and let the little ones play upstairs.  Play?  Not so much. It's more like destruction.  They took a mattress off one of the beds.  They took the covers off most of the other beds and put them in Ligon's crib.  When I saw the mess, all I could think was...this is going to take forever to put everything back in its place.  Yeah, not feeling so much like I have it all together.
It was beautiful yesterday, so I took all of the kids outside to play and decided to give all 5 boys a haircut. Wow!  You cut your boy's hair, too?!  You must really have it all together!  While cutting the boys hair Bethany dumped sand all over Ligon's head and down his shirt, which then proceeded to seep into his diaper.  Again, not feeling so much all together.
After cutting hair I brought the kids inside, so I could start on dinner.  While getting dinner on the table the 2 year old decided to go potty, and then left the door open.  An open bathroom door to the 1 year old means IT'S TIME TO GO SWIMMING!  Into the toilet he goes with his shoes and clothes on.  Yes, the toilet...which had not been flushed.  I didn't know he was playing in the toilet until I was putting him in his chair to eat, and saw that the bottom of his pants and shoes were soaked.  Ummmm...what was I saying about having it all together?  
Ligon ate with soaked shoes, and as soon as dinner was over I took the four youngest upstairs to the bathtub.  Three of them had face paint that I could not get off, and Ligon still had black sharpie on his face that seemed impossible to get off.  Ligon nearly climbed into the bathtub fully dressed while I was getting everyone else stripped down for the tub.  I believe I caught him by his pee-soaked sneakers!  While getting him stripped down all of the sand from his diaper and clothes were dumped all over the bathroom floor.  I finally got all of them in the tub and clean...including face paint and sharpie!  I got Bethany out first and got her dried off and hair brushed.  Next, was a screaming Ligon because he wasn't ready to get out yet.  While drying him off, Bethany said she needed to go potty.  I leave him to wipe Bethany and then turn around to find him back in the tub.  I get him back out, screaming, again and proceed to dry him off.  I turn around to get Ian out of the tub while Bethany fills her hand with baby soap and wipes it all over Ligon's hair.  I get Ian dry, wrap Ligon in a towel, and hold his head in the sink to get the soap out of his hair.  I told Miles to get out of the tub and dry off while I take Ligon and Bethany to the bedroom to put on diapers and pajamas, and direct Ian to go put on a pull-up and pajamas.  While putting lotion on Bethany I look over at Ligon and see him start to pee on one of Bethany's costumes and the carpet.  I shout, "Noooooo," as if in slow motion, and he stops peeing, midstream.  I start to get up to get him and he starts peeing again, so once again, I say, "Nooooo," again, as if in slow motion, and he stops peeing again.  I scoop him up and rush to the bathroom to see if he will finish going in the toilet.  I sit him on the toilet backwards, as I have done while potty training my other boys, and before I know it he has his foot in the nasty pee water!  I scoop him up again and wash his foot and leg in the sink before going back to the room to finish putting on diapers and pajamas.

So, in reality, that's what having it all together officially looks like!!!  On this particular evening...I chose to laugh.  It's doesn't always end that way.  Ask my sweet husband!

I don't display every mishap in our lives because, honestly, it would probably scare some people out of becoming parents!  My life truly feels like a circus sometimes!  I don't want to paint a bad picture of what it looks like to have a home full of children.  Yes, it's busy!  But, it's a lot of fun, too!  There is so much love in our home!  I want people to see the good...and the not so good!  There are moments when things seem to go smoothly, but for the most part...not so much!

I think having it all together is more about how you respond to the situation.  If you can laugh, more than cry, during those tough days then maybe...just maybe...you will sometimes feel like you somewhat...in a very small way...and moment by moment...might just a little bit...in some odd sort of way....have it all together.

Spiritual growth in children

Ian is 4.  He is so cute!  He talks, and talks, and talks.  It doesn't annoy, or bother me because the things he says are so cute and funny.  He says whatever comes in his mind, which often leads into very sporadic stories that don't go together, and don't even make sense!  Still, I love to hear all of the things that are going through his mind.

Last week we were outside playing and he had a lot on his mind.  It caught me off-guard when he told me he had been praying for his friend, Tali. I don't remember what he said he was praying about for her, but it amazed me that a four year old would pray for a friend...on his own...when he thinks about it...and without being told to do so.

Lauren, Franklin, and I went grocery shopping last night.  It takes us 35 minutes to get to the store, so we had plenty of time to talk on the way.  Our conversations were about a wide range of topics.  I love having only a few kids with me at a time because it really gives them a chance to talk to me about anything they want to talk about, without being interrupted.

It was Lauren's conversation last night that caught me off-guard.  She told me that she had been really afraid a few weeks ago when she was home with her grandma and aunt when Roger and I went out of town for a few days.  She said she had become afraid of the dark, and afraid that someone would break into our house, and then she started hearing noises in the night.  You know the feeling, right?  We can really freak ourselves out!  Anyway, she said that she picked up my Kindle and opened it to my Bible app and began to read where I was in the Bible at that time.  She said that she was amazed because the first verse she read really comforted her and showed her that God would protect her.  I have no idea what verse she read, but what an amazing God to show Himself to my little girl just when she needed Him.

My most fervent prayer for my children is that God would show Himself and bring them to Him at a young age, and that they would grow up with a passion for knowing and serving God.

Death never comes at a good time

A few months ago my good friend, Meredith, died at the young age of 45.  It was one day before his 2 month anniversary.  It was a strange twist of events...from chest pains the previous May, which was caused from blood clots, which was found through scans, which also showed a growth at the tail of his pancreas, which led to surgery, which led to more blood clots, which led to another surgery...where he died.

I see his emails that I got just a few days before he died.  I see his text messages, which I cannot bear to delete from my phone.  And I wonder...what if he had never had surgery?  He didn't feel any complications from the mass on his pancreas.  It wasn't cancer.  What if it had been left alone? 

In the days after Meredith died I couldn't help, but think, "This just isn't fair!"  Meredith had waited his entire life to be married.  He did his best to be content with singleness, but he always wanted to get married.  Then, he meets his wife, who had also never been married...and then God takes him.

My mind goes back and forth.  I think it is great that Meredith got to experience marriage.  I had never seen a bigger smile on his face before he met his beautiful wife!  But then I think, "Why only two months, God?!"  And then I think about his wife.  She waited her entire life to get married...in another country...and now she is in the US...alone...

It wasn't a good time for him to die.  He needed to be married longer.  He was so young.


Yesterday I found out that another young friend died.  Stephanie was only 37.  She was married.  She has two little girls.  She was sweet.  She was kind.  If you ask anyone who knew her to tell you what she was like they would say this...she always had a smile on her face.  Even in the last 2 years when she struggled with brain cancer...she smiled.  Wow!  What a way to be remembered?

And still...I don't get it.  When I told my husband about it last night and told him about her young girls he said, "That's really sad.  What a tough time for those girls to lose their mom?"

I had known Stephanie through high school in our church youth group.  We didn't stay in regular contact, but I kept up with her through facebook.  I grieve for her family.  Her husband.  Her two little girls.  Her mom and dad.  Her two sisters.  They know she is in Heaven, but oh how they will miss her.

It wasn't a good time for her to die.  She was a young wife.  A young mom.  She was so young.



As I lay in bed last night thinking about Stephanie, and praying for her family I thought over and over about the timing of death.  Death never comes at a good time.  It is easier to accept for someone who is older.  My grandmother was 97, but it still wasn't a good time because I always thought she would make it to 100.  It is easier for Christians to accept when they believe that the person they have lost is in Heaven.  But, it is still hard.  "To be absent from the body and present with the Lord" is truly a blessing, but I think about how much I miss those who don't live around me, and missing them for the rest of my life if they passed would be devastating.  Goodness, I miss Roger just when he is gone for the day at work!  I cannot imagine missing him the rest of my life.

When a young person dies it is usually more devastating.  We think about the life they will never experience.  We think about their children growing up without them.  Or, if they are a child we think about the fact that they will never have children of their own.  We think about the parents grieving the loss of a child.  Or the husband grieving the loss of his young wife, and thinking about the years he must now face alone.  We think about the siblings who will not be able to pick up the phone just to say hi to a sister.  It makes my heart hurt.

Death is a reality we must all face.  It is one of those questions in life that we will never understand.  The timing will never be good.  Whether they are lost in the womb, or at 100, they will still be missed terribly.

Our days are numbered.  Life is a vapor...and then there is eternity.  I wish I could grasp that concept more fully.  I will have eternity with Meredith and Stephanie, and the babies I have lost, and family that have already passed.  But I still miss them here.  On the other hand...I am happy for them.

It is okay to grieve.  I think everyone needs to really think about that.  I get frustrated when people say...

Heaven gained an angel...
     That just simply isn't true.  People do not become angels.  If they are in Heaven they become worshippers with the angels.

She/he is in a better place...
   That may be true, but it isn't necessarily comforting when someone just needs to grieve for a while.  Let them think about their loved one in Heaven...later.  Let them grieve for now.

All things work together for good...
     Yes, the Bible does say this...but it doesn't feel very good to lose someone.  Again, let them grieve. 

What should you say?
I am so sorry.  I am praying for you.  I love you.  I am here if you want to talk, or cry, or if you just need to sit with someone. 

Our "words of encourgement" typically have the opposite effect.  I have often found that it is best to say the very least.  A hug speaks volumes...without saying a word!


Let.them.grieve...for death never comes at a good time...


 

Pop our bubble...living outside the box

We live in a proverbial bubble.  My husband goes to work each day.  I stay home and teach our children, and take care of our children and home.  My husband comes home.  We spend time together in the evening.  We get up the next day and do it all over again.

Our daily lives are generic.  We don't really do anything outside the norm.  Each day is pretty much the same.

There is nothing wrong with living a "normal" life.  Typically, I desire "normal."  I don't like it when things happen that throw our schedule out of sync, or turn our lives upside down.  I'm not a big fan of change.

For months now, I have felt that God is asking more of us.  More from Roger and me.  More from our family.

I don't know what God's plans are for us, but I think He wants to "pop our bubble."  I think he wants to change our bubble lives into something more extraordinary.

I believe God is taking us down a road that will cause us to live outside the box.  I don't think He wants us to be normal.

Two things that keep popping up in conversations between Roger and me...

1)  Adoption.  We are open to adopting.  We continue having this feeling that someone knows someone who knows someone...who knows of parents who cannot take care of their children...and our home needs to be an open door.

2)  Being the interim family to an unwed mother.  We are open to sharing our home, our family, and our hearts with a young mom who, for whatever reason, needs somewhere to go while she is pregnant, regardless of her choice to keep her baby, or choose adoption.  Pregnancy is certainly not a time for a young woman to be stressed about where she will live while she is pregnant.


 Who? What? When? Where? How? We have no idea! We are open to God popping this bubble that only includes our little family, and choosing to live outside the box, even if it draws us away from our comfort zone.  I believe it is God bringing us to this place.  I'm excited to see what He has for us!

Looking back...one year...

When I found out I was pregnant with Ligon, Bethany was only 4 months old.  It was quite a shock, and one that didn't wear off until I was about 8 months pregnant!  My due date was February 28th.  It was Leap Year, so my doctor put the pressure on to induce on the 29th.  He wanted me to have a Leap Year baby.  Me?  Not so much!  I hated the thought of having a baby on a "weird day!" 
When would we celebrate his birthday?
Me:  Well, on the 28th, of course!  His birthday is the last day of the month.
Roger: No, on March 1st!  The 28th isn't his birthday.
Yeah, having a baby on the 29th really wasn't good for anyone!

Ian and I have birthdays in February, and everyone else is in different months, so we thought it would be great to have a March baby.  We planned to induce one week after my due date, on March 5th.  I have never gone into labor on my own, so we always plan to induce at some point.

Early in February we found out that Roger would be out of town the weekend following the 5th and I just couldn't see how coming home from the hospital and him leaving a few days later would be a good thing.

I didn't want to go more than a week overdue.  Anytime I have been more than a week overdue there has been meconium.  Bethany was only one day overdue, and there was meconium, but I attributed that to a stomach virus I had the day before I had her.

So, we decided to induce almost a week early...on the 22nd.  It's a great date...2/22/12!

I went into the hospital the night before.  (We passed 22 deer in a field on the way to the hospital!)  I was dilated 2-3 cm.  The doctor ordered cytotec to help soften my cervix.  I really thought it would put me in labor, but it didn't.  The next morning the doctor came early and broke my water and I started on Pitocin.

From the moment the doctor broke my water, Ligon began having problems with labor.  There was A LOT of thick meconium.  We were not expecting this!  A week early, and thick meconium?!  We suddenly saw that it was a blessing that we induced early.  Ligon would have either been very, very sick if we had gone past the due date, or more than likely...would not have survived.  We can certainly see how God ordered our steps!

For hours, Ligon's heartrate was up and down.  Nurses were running in my room at least every 10 minutes telling me to turn to my other side.  They were having a hard time getting him stable.  "C-section" was thrown around several times.  I was so worried about him that I considered asking for a c-section a few times.

 Finally, his heartrate seemed to settle, but he was no longer moving.  They came in to tell me that they needed him to wake up and move around.  They told me it was not normal for him to be so still during contractions.  More fear and worry.  They talked to the doctor and decided to give me sugar water through my iv.  It worked!  The poor little guy needed some food!

With Lauren, our first baby, I got an epidural, but had several complications.  So, with the next 5 babies, I delivered naturally...with no medication.  I had been told by an anesthesiologist that I would probably have the same complications with future epidurals because of scar tissue from a past back surgery.

I decided to meet with an anesthesiologist during my pregnancy with Ligon to get a second opinion.  He was willing to try an epidural, and believed he could get it to work.  He offered to be on-call for me, so he could be there to do the epidural.  He even rearranged his schedule, so he would be at my hospital the day I delivered!

In the afternoon, I decided to try an epidural.  I was so scared!  The complications I had before were awful, and I couldn't imagine doing that again.  The doctor came in and prepped me.  He got it in...and he did it fast!  I couldn't believe it!  It wasn't until he was done that he told me how nervous he was to do this for me, and he has done this procedure thousands of times!  He figured out quickly that my spinal space is more shallow than normal, so he was able to get it in without puncturing through.

The epidural was a blessing in many ways.  As soon as I got the epidural Ligon seemed to handle labor much better, my labor got into a good pattern, and I was pain-free!  The relief was amazing!

A few hours after I got the epidural I began feeling the contractions on one side.  Ouch!  It was really painful, but such a relief not to feel the pain all over.  It was helpful because I knew when I needed to push, and it helped to push through the pain.  Thankfully, the epidural worked, so that I didn't have to feel him while he was coming out.  That was the biggest relief of all!

After pushing through two contractions Ligon was born!!!  Because of the thick Meconium there was a large team of doctor's, nurses, and respiratory therapists in the room when he was born.  I didn't get to hold him, or see him for the first 25 minutes.  He was still in my room, but the team was working on him, trying to make sure he was suctioned well, and monitoring whether he had aspirated meconium into his lungs, which would have made him very sick.  After 25 minutes they declared that he was healthy, meconium-free, and ready for his mommy and daddy to see him and hold him.

And here we are...one year later! 
I am so glad this little guy is in our family.  He is so much fun!  He is happy, content, cuddly at times, very ticklish, a good eater...and very loved!  We all adore him.  Bethany is his little mother hen.  She hasn't been jealous of him at all...she just wants to take care of him.  She is constantly in his face saying, "Awwwwww....baby."  I think the two littles will grow up to have a great relationship.

Happy Birthday, lil' Lig!