Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Decisions...

Roger and I heard a sermon 3-4 years ago that convicted us, and really changed our hearts. We came to believe that we should trust God with the size of our family rather than telling Him how many children we would have. We knew that God would close the womb one way or another, but we did not know how, or when, or how many children we would be blessed to have.

God may be closing my womb, and I have to admit that I am really struggling with this. We knew after having Miles (our big 9 pound, 11 ounce boy!) that some damage had been done to my body. We were not told not to have anymore children, but that someday I would need to have surgery to fix things.

After having Ian we knew a little more damage was probably done, but we didn't know how much because I was seeing a new doctor. She also said that I would definitely need surgery in the future, but it wouldn't be wise to have surgery until I was done having children.

Recently I have felt things getting worse. I saw my doctor today and she confirmed that things are much worse than they were six months ago. She said I could have more children if I wanted to, but it would cause more damage, and that she will need to do a partial hysterectomy when I am done having children. Wow! That was not what I expected to hear at 35 years of age. She was, by no means, telling me that we should not have more children...for the record.

So...now Roger and I have a HUGE decision to make. Do we have one more? Is this the end of pregnancies for us? God...what do YOU want us to do??? I really thought I would have one more, so the thought of never giving birth to a precious baby is very sad for me.

I really am not looking for advice, so please do not tell me what you think I should do. This is between me and Roger and God. I don't say that to be rude, but I really don't want anyone to influence us as we try to pray and listen for God's will. I would be really grateful if you would pray for us, though. I wish we didn't have to make this decision, but we do, and I feel so much turmoil and emotion.

Whether we have another baby through our own birth, or not...God is not done growing our family. We hope to adopt in the future, so we know our family isn't done growing yet! It may be that God has given us an answer, by way of our doctor, and paving the way for the future to adopt. He didn't give us a passion and desire to adopt for no reason! Take a look at www.reecesrainbow.com and see the many reasons we hope to adopt!

Thank you for praying for us and with us!

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

I will be praying for you and husband

John and Elisa Seaba said...

Will pray for you guys as you make those decisions and follow God's leading in whatever directions those may be.